Out and about

That’s the real me you see in the pictures, and, I’m on multiple sites where I’ve also posted pictures. On my old website I posed in a wig. I thought the long hair looked nice and it disguised me somewhat, but it wasn’t “me.” I have short hair and I’ll probably cut it shorter before we get much deeper into summer. (I also wear glasses and I don’t like posing in them, but that’s another story.)

So obviously, I am “out” on line, and I regularly go to real-life events where I could be “seen” by someone.

This has become, at this stage in my life, pretty much a non-concern. In New York at least, I’m not doing anything illegal. What I offer is a consulting business, a therapeutic service to help improve behavior. Naturally those are code words, but what they stand for is allowed under the law. I don’t do sexual domination; I administer corporal punishment and discipline.

To vanilla friends and family, that distinction would probably mean nothing. They would be shocked, especially the more conservative ones (I have quite a few conservative family mentions, my father leading the pack). I can’t image how any of them would accidentally come across my pages, and if they come across me during a search for something like what I offer, then any criticism they might have for ME would become a “pot calling the kettle black” situation.

Self-acceptance aside, I don’t relish the thought of being outed to that degree. I do not want coworkers and family knowing what I do. If someone showed me my online picture and said, “Is this YOU?” I would hope to have enough of a poker face to respond, “Wow, that DOES look a lot like me. How crazy is that?” There are one or two family members to whom I may tell the truth. My younger brother, whom I strongly suspect of being closeted in another way, is one of them. We are pretty close and he’s very open-minded. I have two other brothers who would think it very strange, but probably wouldn’t judge me. The rest would freak and some might completely ostracize me. I don’t need that. Much as I find their conservatism annoying at times, they are still my family and I like having them around.

But I’ve never felt a great urge to talk about my lifestyle. Even though I’m not “doing” sex, this IS a sexual kink, and in polite company I don’t discuss my sexual behavior. TMI.


  1. Chuck

    If you’re ever in my part of the country, Ma’am, I’d love a session over your knee.
    I’m in NW Pa. about 40mi. south of Erie.
    I was a Top most of my life until I met my wife in ’88 and she said she had the desire to spank me.
    We both loved being S/switches until her death in ’99.
    I have found that as I get older that I’d rather bottom than Top. I’d love to be over your knee.

  2. Thanks, Chuck. I don’t foresee getting out that way in the near future, but if you come to NY please let me know. Would love to play with you.

  3. Dan Olson

    Hello Cassandra,

    Your comment about being out on line but not in your daily life struck a cord with me. I too have gotten to the point in my life where I don’t really care who knows, but I certainly don’t advertise what I do. Spanking isn’t the defining feature of “who I am,” but it is just something I do. Like lots of other (vanilla) intrests.

    I hesitated for a long time before I went to my first “munch” to meet others in the scene. What got me over the hurdle was something I read on a nude-beach website. The FAQ asked “What if I meet someone I know while I’m at the nude beach? The answer was: “Be glad you met a friend who has similar interests. And, above all else, remember, they’re as naked as you are!!

    Eventually I did meet someone I knew from “real-life” at a munch, and another at a party, but they were there for the same reason I was, and were as naked (so to speak) as me.

  4. I only saw someone ONCE that I knew in a vanilla context at a party, and this was someone I’d worked with years before. It was okay. We actually ended up doing a scene together. If I saw anyone that I currently work with at a scene event, I would be uncomfortable but I guess we’d just have to take it for what it was and move on.

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