Where did he go right there; where was he right then? Why wasn’t he yelling his head off with the pain?
He’s one of the stoic ones, the ones who stay in place, take all that I give them and barely make a sound. He sobs quietly at times, periodically gasps or blurts out that he’s sorry. But he stays in place, doesn’t beg for me to stop, doesn’t writhe around and try to get away. The other day when we played, I felt this curious power flowing through me, where I’ was simply watching him as if from afar, watching how he processed the pain, wondering if he had a breaking point and if I could get him there.
By the end of our session I was whipping him pretty hard. The lines you see are from the infamous “liquid cane,” a small, quiet-but-effective rubber implement that leaves lines like a cane but (to me, at least) feels worse. I gave him over 100 strokes. And I paddled him with that nasty paddle you see on the couch next to him (it’s leather, but very thick leather … very painful). I used other evil things as well from my implement bag.
And he took them all. Psychologically, where was he? Did I take him to a place he simply needed to be? Was he taking it to please me? (never a bad motive!). He likes to play bad boy to mean but loving mommy, but does that really matter? That’s just the context to the pain.
You know I’ve written before that I like the brats. They bring a completely different energy and they’re fun, BUT it doesn’t work if it goes too far. I mean that if you combine a stoic pain slut with a brat, it simply drains you of energy. You could beat him all day and he’d still be mouthing off.
But the quiet ones? Sometimes it means working harder to read them, to find out what pushes their buttons. Other times it’s more down and dirty: I’m simply being mean. THAT didn’t make you react? OK, how about THIS, tough guy?