What’s up with the Strange Guy who pops up in an IM window, unsolicited, and wants to chat? I’ve been seeing a lot of these lately. Does he have a profile? No. Does he start off by saying, “Hi, I saw your profile in such-and-such Yahoo group; I saw you liked ____ and I’m into that, too — do you have time to talk”? No. Does he introduce himself and say ANYTHING about himself? No.
When I begin to ask questions about where he found my name, or what he’s into, I’ve opened the door to his sticking around and prolonging my suffering. For some odd reason, these guys can never seem to remember WHICH Yahoo group they found me in. (I should mention that I hardly ever use Yahoo groups anymore; I’m using FetLife much more, and just started using Spanko.net as well).
I have in the past tended to give unknown IM’rs a little time, not abandoning the exchange from the get-go. You never know, SOMETIMES conversations start off on the wrong foot and redeem themselves. More likely, when I do try to continue the conversation it’s like pulling teeth to find out what he likes. One guy said, “I can’t talk about this too much online.” (WHAT? — I guess he meant posting about his kink on his Yahoo profile, but you can create separate profiles.)
I’ve gotten to the point where I hardly ever turn on my IM function anymore when I sign in. I want to talk to friends and people I’m getting to know first (through my website; some of the boards I’m on).
However, I also don’t mind a talk with a stranger if he can express himself, because sometimes he is someone who legitimately is interested in seeing me for a consultation, OR he simply interesting. Those people may be as tired of IMing as I am, so I likely won’t be having those conversations.
The time wasters? I have yet to figure out what they are getting out of it or why they do it.