No apologies

I caned C on Saturday night during the OTK night at Paddles. It was good, it was nice to see him take it as he was bent over the padded table up in the loft. I watched his face in the mirror from time to time to see his reaction. He loves the cane; I think he needs it, and yet I know it still hurt — in spite of his semi-blissful state I could see him gasping or wincing from time to time. I used several different canes and also paddled him (he laid out his own toys for me, and when that happens I always figure it’s fair game to use any or all of them!)

He said afterward he really liked the scene. I certainly liked it — wielding the cane got me into a better mood, a more powerful, more upbeat state of mind.

And yet … and yet … there were the hangers-on afterward, the ones with the hungry looks in their eyes who perhaps wanted me to grab them and beat them next. I walked away.

If anyone reads my other blog (, I wrote that I was feeling awkward about certain subs staring at me when I walked in the door of Paddles on Saturday night. I was not feeling comfortable with that, yet, after posting that blog, I started second-guessing myself, wondering if I’d hurt anyone’s feelings.

Just want to clarify that if I say I want to play with you and we don’t play, it usually just means I ran out of time, or we were both busy and kept missing each other. It will happen, sooner or later. You know who you are, or, at least I hope you do.

I play with my friends and anyone I find interesting when I go out, depending on my mood. But on the best of nights, I need some time to shift gears from the outside world. On Saturday, my husband Rad ( had gotten to Paddles earlier than me, so my first goal was to find him.

Because I play for fun at clubs and parties (usually), it doesn’t mean I have fun playing with everyone. I don’t. I want some type of connection. I want some back and forth banter, a degree of confidence, a sense of humor, a real person underneath the submission. I don’t appreciate whining and pouting, or sour looks being thrown my way because (I think) I or perhaps some other domme hasn’t asked you to play.

I take private consultations, and I will give you my ultimate attention and try to fulfill your fantasies during those private sessions. I also offer discounted rates for those who want special, semi-private scenes at Paddles. Some people are exhibitionists and this is fine with them. But if we haven’t made these arrangements, and you haven’t presented yourself well (or maybe, I’m simply not in the mood — my prerogative), it’s not likely we’ll play. I do feel badly for those who go to a club and don’t get what they’re looking for. But that’s all I can say. No apologies.

Leave a Reply