I had to laugh. A guy wrote me on FetLife a day or two ago asking if I wanted a sub. I wrote back and repeated what is already on my FetLife profile — that I am not seeking subs except as clients (I don’t count the friends that I play with at parties; but then again, they are not my subs but my friends).

Why aren’t I seeking a sub? Tempting as it might be to take on a “service submissive,” I simply don’t have the time or the space to devote to someone right now. I am married and I can’t bring a sub to my house, and I’m also involved with a lot of other endeavors, including working on my second book.

But I guess this sub didn’t like that answer so he wrote back, “Get a real job and stop using people.”

I don’t consider what I do using people; I consider it a personal service. I certainly don’t coerce anyone into playing; I represent myself honestly and tell clients up front what I am offering and the fee for what I offer, and if that is acceptable and what they want, we play. Most people leave a session quite satisfied. Any one of my clients is free to play with other pros, or to find a regular play partner, and I won’t be insulted. I want people to be happy, to find what they need. In fact, I’ve encouraged some of the guys who’ve come to me for a session to attend local parties to meet other players. Just this weekend, one of my clients was at the Strictly Spanking New York party and from what I can see he had a great time.

That’s obviously not an option open to everyone; some people have to be very discrete, and that’s another reason they seek out my professional services.

I don’t have to do this at all; I have a full-time “real job.” As I’ve expressed here many times, I ENJOY playing with my friends and with clients who are respectful and appreciative. I don’t enjoy guys who are whiners and who can’t read a person’s profile before contacting her, THEN have the nerve to be insulting.

The guy who wrote me had one run-on sentence, full of typos, as his FetLife profile. No interests checked off, no photo, nothing. One of the attributes he claimed in his profile was “open-minded.” Really?


  1. Mike

    Sometimes it amazes me how rude people can be. Much of it, I think, is a result of the “instant satisfaction” that many people expect as a result of nearly unlimited access to the rest of the world through the Internet.

    You’re very generous with your time and very clear about what you do. But the fact that you’re open about it puts you in a position where some people will ask, no, REQUEST that you go further, and it’s hard for them to accept that even professionals have bounds and don’t have interest or time for activities that are only partially related to your primary interests.

    Good fodder for the blog, for sure, but don’t let ’em get you down.

  2. artams

    LOL. I wrote a rant on spankolife about this. Alot of men got upset and told me I was ageist and blah, blah, blah. I told them the whole gist of the blog was READ THE FUCKING PROFILES. I got so tired of someone IMing me for sex when I have in big, bold caps that I’m married and not interested in sex outside of the marriage. I had one guy, 2 seconds after I said that, say…”well, do you wanna webcam?” Seriously, asshole?

    I find that people who get upset and hurl insults are just sore losers. It’s the equivalent of well, if you don’t let me play, I’m taking my ball and going home. Which is fine by me. I can get my own ball. And it’ll be bigger and prettier than yours. :P

  3. Thanks for the comments, Mike and Artams. I DO have to work on my own boundaries. It’s a journey. I also understand where it comes from. People are lonely and don’t want to hear that they should pay for something others may be getting from a girlfriend. But, there’s nothing to say that that CAN’T get it from a girlfriend. My being a pro doesn’t stop that…

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