“Dominant Women/Masculine Submissive Men” is the name of a new group, on FetLife and active in the New York scene, also known as “Queens and their Knights.” The group is led by Lady Casandra Moon, AKA “the Cassandra with one S,” whom I enjoyed meeting a few weeks ago at the munch at the Moonstruck Diner. They’ll be out again on Dec. 11; I hope more folks will come join in.
The group’s description reads: “Lifestyle dominant women who enjoy and desire a strong and masculine submissive, and submissives who are comfortable in both their masculinity and in their submissive nature. … Strong masculine submissives given space to be who they are with no fear or judgment.”
The definition of “masculine” is up for interpretation — loosely used, I’m interpreting that it does not include cross-dressing, diaper play, age play, etc. All of these fetishes have their place, of course, and our community embraces them as well. But I’m interpreting “masculine” to describe men who are confident but simply need to be taken control of periodically — they need to feel pain, or to be made to submit.
(Can you still be “masculine” in a dress? I think that’s a different kind of masculinity, a completely different type of confidence — and it does take confidence. I should write another blog post on this … talk amongst yourselves)
For me, it’s a thrill to top a “strong” man, a man who is successful in real life, who may even be dominant in real life, but who needs to let go of that once in a while. It is even more exciting to dominate someone who’s known only as a dominant in the scene. (I’ll never tell).
These guys are interesting, intelligent, self-confident and funny. I’ve topped lawyers and CEOs, but I’ve also gotten a batch of creative types lately, too, those successful in music, writing, etc.
When you get such a man over your knee or bent over a table, ready for a spanking or caning, he may never even “submit” — or there may be only a physical submission to the pain. And that’s fine. To me they offer a challenge, and that’s to get into their head space. Causing pain is the easy part, the hard part is figuring out his desires and what I can do to fulfill them.
If I like someone, if I relate to him on a personal level and can talk to him as an equal, it is so much more fun to play with him and top him. I respect him and I respect what he’s going through. (Being a switch, I have an idea of what he’s going through.) There’s nothing wrong with wanting to submit. It doesn’t make you any less of a man, and I’m happy that more and more men are accepting this part of themselves and seeking what they need.
I know the downside of self-acceptance is that there aren’t enough dominant women to always fill that need. Hopefully that’s changing with the next generation, and as more and more women accept that it’s OK to be dominant and that they CAN be strong.