Cassandra Park

That’s how my UK friend Ian, proprietor of The London Tanners, describes himself on his FetLife profile, which I’d clicked on this morning because he’d commented on something else (don’t you love where FetLife takes you sometimes?)

He also has as a tagline “Improving behaviour one girl at a time,” which I happen to agree with, except it should be “one boy OR girl at a time,” and there shouldn’t be that silly extra “u” in “behavior.”

Does what I do really “improve behavior”? Does punishment for real-life transgressions ever work? Well, as I type this, I know of at LEAST three bad boys who have told me they need to be spanked for smoking, that they need to quit, and as far as I know all three of them continue to engage in this disgusting, unhealthy and annoying habit.
Oddly, there doesn’t seem to be much about this on FetLife, with the exception of a fetish, “being punished for smoking” — and only ONE person lists that as a fetish. (with the thousands and thousands of FetLife members, only ONE person lists that? unbelievable). There are some related fetishes, such as “smoking,” “forced smoking,” and smoking “pot,” “weed,” and “copious amounts of ganja,” but no other “punished for smoking” fetishes.

I didn’t mean to get off on a smoking rant; I was just thinking of behaviors or bad habits, for which someone might come to me and ask for help in “curing.”

Honestly, for most people into spanking, what I do is a reward, not a punishment. If you can quit smoking, if you can lose that 20 pounds you’ve been wanting to lose, come see me and I’ll help you celebrate by tossing you over my knee and giving you a good old-fashioned spanking. It’ll give you a bigger rush than that drag of nicotine or that Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie. Yes. Leave the Oatmeal Cream Pies with me.

“I could use a good beating. Especially the way you administer it.”

It’s always nice to get a compliment like that, to feel wanted.

And I’m pretty sure I’m going to have the boy who sent me that note over my knee sometime this weekend. He knows he’s earned it, too, so I don’t plan on being nice. 

No, he won’t be over my knee for long. Are you paying attention, bad boy?

I AM packing my canes for TES Fest.

The class and full event schedule has now been posted on the TES Fest website, so take a look. (When you go to the link, click on the bar near the top of the page).

The time for my class–”Payback doesn’t have to be a bitch: Topping for bottoms”–hasn’t changed; it’s still at noon on Monday, July 4. I’ve got my class outline in place but I’m still seeking input prior to the weekend if there’s anything you’d like me to discuss.

It took a while before I felt confident as a top. So my intention when coming up with this topic was to show newbies the joys of topping and to help them get over any nervousness they may be feeling, plus “tools” and “tricks” of the game.

Here’s a reminder of my schedule, and a little more info about the event:

• Book and DVD signing–Saturday, July 2, 1:30 p.m.
• Class–”Payback doesn’t have to be a bitch: Topping for Bottoms”: Monday, July 4, at noon.

TES Fest July 1-4, 2011:  40th Anniversary Celebration!

TES Fest is the annual gathering for the BDSM and sex-positive communities to celebrate the steps TES’s founding fathers took in 1971: the opportunity to find our freedom. Taking place over the Fourth of July weekend, TES Fest is the premiere event in the NYC Metro region for everyone (from amateurs to seasoned veterans) to socialize, learn new skills and simply have a great time. With classes and special events covering the gamut of topics and special interests, TES Fest allows people to explore, educate and entertain themselves in a healthy, safe and sane environment. This year’s event will take place July 1-4, 2011 at a 3.5-star hotel in Piscataway, New Jersey.

Visit www.tesfest.org for more information and to register!

If you’re going to TES Fest over the July 4th weekend, and you’re a bottom or switch, please consider attending my class about “topping for bottoms.” I’m also seeking input prior to the weekend from bottoms or switches (well, tops with opinions, too) about what topics you might like to see included.

My intention is to show newbies the joys of topping and help them get over the initial nervousness. It’s about how to be tough or in charge when you don’t necessarily feel tough, getting to know your bottom and read his/her reactions, learning how to use toys, and more.

The class is on Monday, July 4, at noon.
Here’s the class description:

Payback doesn’t have to be a bitch: Topping for bottoms

People keep asking you to top them at parties – but you’re a bottom! Number one rule: don’t switch if you don’t want to; it’s not for everyone. But if you have the urge to give back some of the tough love, this class will help. I will discuss ways of tapping into your inner sadist, reading your bottom’s reactions, being an unapologetic “service top” and learning to be choosy about partners. I will also discuss pre-scene negotiation, aftercare, and other aspects of topping.
I look forward to others’ feedback.

Cassandra

As I’ve written here before, I like lists, making and reading them (you know the magazines suck us in with those things — Better Homes & Gardens: “5 Best Casseroles”; People Magazine: “10 Best Celeb Quotes This Week”; Cosmo: “7 Things to Say to a Naked Man” … and according to Cosmo, #4 is “Hold on, let me memorize every detail for my spank bank.” OK. Good to know.)

But it’s not always easy coming up with an interesting list and staying topic, ie, spanking or BDSM. Ideas are of course always welcome.

Believe it or not, Anthony Weiner inspired me. (You gotta take inspiration from wherever it comes.) I was talking to Rad about how I really dislike the term “sexting,” “the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones.” And there’s not any real reason that I dislike it. I guess to me it sounds like you’re actually doing something sexual, and it’s elevating sending a picture to the level of committing an actual act. Believe it or not, the first time I heard this term was when I was shooting with Punished Brats. One of the scenarios we shot was where I was a principal, and I punished an honor student who’d accidentally texted dirty pictures of herself to her whole phone list.

So, my list for today: spanking and related words that annoy me:

1. Spanko. It may be a necessary evil, and I’ve had to use it myself as a shortcut to describe “people who are into spanking, tops and bottoms.” But I find that word kind of annoying. It makes it all sound so frivolous, like everything we do is light-hearted, silly fun. Don’t get me wrong, spanking often can be fun. But it can also be very serious and involve a real power exchange between two people.

2. Funishment: Similar to above. I feel it reduces what’s usually a fairly serious scene to the level of something trivial and fluffy. It may not be a “real” punishment, my bottom may be able to say a safeword and walk away any time he wants, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a very serious scene.

3. Heiny. I feel like this hardly needs explaining. It’s just wrong. (Oh, and the plural is “heinies,” not “heiney’s … oops, we’ll save apostrophe abuse for another blog.)

4. Cum. Yes, I said it. I hate that “word.” It’s not in my dictionary spelled that way; it’s “come.” Why do I hate it? It’s hard to explain. It seems really crude and base to me. An orgasm is a good thing, it doesn’t have to be disgusting and raunchy. And I feel spelling the word “come” as “cum” makes it more raunchy than it needs to be. Don’t get me started on strangers on FetLife messaging me and using that word.

5. Sexting. Explained above.