When Wes, the coordinator of the TES spanking special interest group, asked me to do a talk in front of the group on Feb. 1, he also left it up to me to pick the topic. After some hemming and hawing, I came up with “pain processing, pain acceptance.” (Here’s the link to the FetLife event page: https://fetlife.com/events/87499/v2.)
It’s a topic that’s close to my own heart. Believe me, as much as I love a hard scene, as much as I like being taken down a notch, I struggle greatly with the process. It is never easy. I am afraid. I may be shaking, breaking out in a sweat, yelling, sobbing, sometimes screaming. I can’t imagine what I was thinking. I just want it to end. I am often relieved when it ends.
But then I come back for more.
There is something about pain that I need. It relieves stress and anxiety, it brings about a positive outlook, it gets me high … It sometimes makes me come. Putting myself into a situation where I “have no choice” is a joyful abdication of the responsibilities of life, the countless ways throughout my normal day where I have to be grownup and do my job and make 1,000 different decisions.
Submitting to the pain of a good spanking eventually brings me to that blissful place where I feel strong and alive.
But first I have to get through the ordeal. And it’s not easy, but I have developed a few techniques along my journey. I’m going to talk about that tomorrow (Weds, Feb. 1) at the meeting, I’ll share what some others have said about pain, and I’ll take feedback from the audience.
I hope to see many kindred spirits, the others out there — bottoms, subs, masochists, pain sluts or however you choose to label yourself. How do YOU process pain? And why do YOU do it?