Cassandra Park

As I announced a little while ago on FetLife and on Twitter, my spanking anthology that I’m editing for Ravenous Romance, “My First Spanking,” is complete (as clean as I could make it) and I’ve sent it to the the publisher for copy editing. The finished product should be available online in just a week or two. That’s how fast modern publishing works!

Special thanks to FetLife and real-life friends Courtney, Erica Scott, Serenity Everton and Dolly Wylde for coming through with last-minute stories when I was afraid I wouldn’t have enough for the book. All of them were terrific.

The book also has stories by Naomi Bellina, T. R. Verten, Angel Propps, Thomma Finland, Clarice Clique, Alegra Verde, J. Caladine, Jacqueline Brocker, Jeanette Grey, and Maxine Marsh. I also contributed my own “First Spanking” story.

I’m exhausted and better get some sleep. Tomorrow I’m going to try to write about something about writing. I had a fun time over the weekend …

I posted earlier on FetLife that I was feeling stressed at work, and I was sad because ever since I started this temp job I’ve had to miss activities, especially out in Long Island, because I’m working in Manhattan now.

But I really can’t complain much, I mean, first of all, as someone pointed out to me in response to my little whine, “At least you have a job!” As well they should have pointed that out to me.

But secondly, I can’t complain because I am not lacking for things to do, fun things to do. The long Presidents’ Day weekend was full. I.worked on my book on Friday night; Rad & I hung out with spanko friends on Saturday night; I visited and topped a switch friend of mine on Sunday afternoon; and I visited my former Dom, Spike_NY, on Monday for a very intense play session.

And I hate to admit this, but I’m sure I did not fully catch up on sleep, and that’s probably part of the reason I’m feeling stress at work. I work in a field where I frequently feel I’m in over my head — but I keep showing up on time and doing the best that I can and no one’s asked me to pack up my belongings yet.

But I do miss my friends in Long Island, some of whom get together for a munch every Wednesday. It’s called the “Long Island Kink Enthusiasts’ Munch,” also known “The LIK’EM munch” (the redundancy is overlooked).

When a group gets together frequently and you can’t make it, you feel like you’re missing out, that you’re not as much a part of things, and that people will forget you. Every week, late Wednesday or early Thursday, I see folks in my FetLife feed making friends with new folks and I think, he/she/they look cool, hope I get to know him/her/them soon.

But I’m still making most of the every-other Tuesday Long Island Leather N Roses meetings, if not the pre-meeting munch, so I’m still seeing a lot of people there. Out of sight doesn’t mean completely out of mind.

A friend told me someone else we know in the scene had observed me topping someone and thought that I looked angry. I was a little surprised at this — because usually when I top in public I’m just topping — I’m not doing a role play (ie, angry mom or teacher).

But maybe my “serious face” just looks angry sometimes. I do tend to get serious. I want to focus on my bottom in what are often noisy, distracting circumstances. I want to pay attention to my aim, his reactions, his comfort — beyond the pain of the spanking or strapping or whatever it is I’m doing to him, I want him to be in a comfortable position, one that he can stay in for as long as I need him to.

I want what I’m doing to be intense. I want it to be a little scary, and more than a little painful–sepending on the partner, of course, but most people I top seem to like that. I guess I top the way I like to bottom. It may get sexual in a peripheral way, but it’s going to be more about emotional than erotic release.

I’m never angry at my bottom (why would I top someone I was angry at?–this is play, not abuse or retribution). But sometimes the play is “fast & furious,” and the “furious,” I suppose, can be a bit of an unplanned mini role play.

I don’t know; when I bottom & it’s a hard scene, it’s often incongruous to have my top smiling at me & being nice. When someone lays a cane stroke into me that makes me scream, is that “nice.” Oh, yes, it may be exactly what I need. But I’m not thinking, “thank you for giving me what I need.” I’m thinking “son of a bitch!”

Do I want my bottoms thinking, “Bitch!”? Yeah, maybe. I’m not, really … well, not most of the time. I have to call up my inner mean girl. And I guess sometimes she looks pissed…

At the request of a German follower of my blog, I’ve added an option for European readers to purchase an autographed copy of “It’s SUPPOSED to Hurt!” until my current stock runs out. Click here for details.
For U.S. readers, I’m extending the no-shipping offer on autographed copies of my current stock: Click here for details.
If you would prefer to purchase the book through Amazon, click here for the link.

In addition, I’ve also updated my t-shirt page. Click here for details.

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