At Tuesday night’s Long Island Leather N Roses meeting, scene educator ChrisMarks (ChrisMarks on Fetlife) presented a class on kissing. I usually go to the LILNR meetings, so it wouldn’t have mattered what the topic was. But initially it seemed a strange class to me–what’s kissing got to do with BDSM?
But I did actually learn a few things about different ways to kiss, and different reasons for and methods of kissing. Chris talked about using kissing as a power play, using it to show deference (kneeling and kissing a Domme’s hand), or using it to symbolize that you feel protective toward someone (the “fatherly” kiss on the forehead).
He offered a well-researched background on why humans (and some animals) kiss and how different cultures kiss. The Eskimo “rubbing noses” is actually part of an 11-part ritual that includes pressing a nose into the partner’s cheek, making a smacking sound without actually kissing, and inhaling. Being close enough to smell the other person is a big part of why people kiss–another person’s scent may send subconscious signals about whether he or she might make a good mate.
Natives from the Trobriand Islands in the South Pacific, Chris said, groom each other, bite each other’s lower lips, pull their partner’s hair (sounds pretty hot to me!) and then chew the partner’s eyelashes off. Uh, what? …apparently if you have short eyelashes there it means you’re popular, Chris reported.
Humans are not the only animals that kiss. Bonobos, the primates considered closest relatives to humans, actually use tongues when they kiss–the only primate known to do this. (They also have sex face-to-face, perform oral sex on each other, solve disputes–including between males–by having sex, have orgies before a feast, and are generally non-monogamous.)
All that stuff I found fascinating. But overall the class gave me some good ideas about things I could try on my partner, and it all felt very romantic.
One dom in the audience debated briefly that kissing had nothing to do with dominance.
Chris’s girlfriend and submissive, Lia_Leto, was at the demo, and he talked about their first date. He explained how, just before he’d said goodbye, he’d taken her hand, looked her in the eyes and kissed her on the back of the hand. Just the hand, nothing else … and then left.
Lia got up and told the audience that she had practically melted with desire …but he was gone, leaving her hanging until the next date. She was already under his control…
The man in the audience said he now understood what Chris meant by kissing as a power exchange.
Check out Chris’s FetLife page to see what other classes he’ll be teaching, or email him for info: ChrisMarks@BlacknBlueTrading.com. His next scheduled one is “Sensual Massage: From Relaxation to Titillation” at the Iron Bell Academy on April 19.