When I am topping someone, I have a responsibility for my bottom. I should be focusing on him or her, not an audience, not how I (or we) look to onlookers, nor anything else outside of our sphere. At a club or party, I know there will be noise, people talking nearby, sometimes quite loudly, and people occasionally talking about the scene in which we’re engaged. There’s nothing I can do about that; I have to accept it. Accept it — but not engage in it.
Please don’t be insulted if I don’t acknowledge you if you try to get my attention during a scene. It does not mean I don’t like you and that I don’t want to talk to you later. This did happen on Saturday night, when someone wanted to say goodbye to me while I was playing. We’ve already talked about it, he apologized, and I’m cool.
But I still wanted to mention it here, in case others might need to know about this piece of etiquette. To me, it shows a lack of respect for the person I’m playing with to begin to talk to someone during our scene.
I know how annoying and insulting that can be when I’m bottoming. As a sub I am often “treated” to helpful suggestions from onlookers, comments from “Spank her harder!” to the audacity of “Here, try THIS on her!” Sometimes I try to imagine what implement is being offered to my top — who usually has plenty of his own toys (and doesn’t need another top implying he isn’t doing a good job).
I know people are just trying to have fun, and I usually don’t get upset, but I will often pop my head up at times like these to exclaim, “Okay, that’s enough from the Peanut Gallery!” I’m joking about it to be “nice,” but I really mean it … that’s enough! There ARE some light-hearted scenes where interjections from the crowd would not be a big deal. But, if I didn’t know whether or not a scene was “fun” or “serious,” I’d err on the side of caution.
I had one top who, in the middle of spanking me, engaged in a conversation with someone else who’d wandered over. I tried my usual tactic: “Hello? Peanut Gallery?” and was ignored. They continued to talk. Gee, I wonder whatever happened to that top? It’s been a LONG time since I’ve wanted to play with him…
As a top I bear this in mind. We are all fragile to some degree, but especially those who are making themselves vulnerable, physically and emotionally, to another.
*This post originally appeared in my older blog, “The Corporal Consultant,” on April 9, 2009.