Archive for the ‘BDSM scene’ Category

A challenge to gamers… FLers … humans…

Sunday, July 22nd, 2012

I don’t play many video games; I’m not in that community, but a woman researcher, Anita Sarkeesian, attempting to study and raise awareness of the way female characters often are portrayed in video games, was subjected to some of the most unbelievable, horrendous, misogynist harassment I’ve ever seen. Image Based Harassment and Visual Misogyny.

I’ve provided more details about the project below* (or you can find it through the link), but I think this is vital for all of us to see, because many, many, many women are harassed on FetLife and on other sites. It’s often simply ignored or “reasoned away” because the women were dressed a certain way (a key component of rape culture), or because it’s a sexual site, or because the women were “advertising” themselves. Or, it’s brushed off as “no big deal” and the women are told to let it go.

Anita writes: “I am certainly not the first woman to suffer this kind of harassment and sadly, I won’t be the last. But I’d just like to reiterate that this is not a trivial issue. It can not and should not be brushed off by saying, “Oh, well, that’s YouTube for you (me: or FetLife),” “trolls will be trolls” or “it’s to be expected on the internet.” These are serious threats of violence, harassment and slander across many online platforms meant to intimidate and silence. And it’s not okay.”

I cannot even imagine what would make some men so angry that they would say these things–and not only post violent images, but pass them around and create actual templates for other men to write their own violent comments. In one case a video game was created in which users could punch the “offending” feminist “bitch” (Anita) in the face, “her” face getting more and more bruised and bloodied until the screen finally fills up with blood.

If a man feels that women also treat men unfairly, he should simply say so: “I think the court system is stacked in women’s favor in divorce cases”; “I think a lot of women think men have to do things for them,” etc. etc. I have seen it myself — some women do expect to be taken care of by men. (Most of us take care of ourselves, or share the job with our partners).

But why does a general feeling of unfairness take a massive leap to violent, hateful talk and images? Frankly, it’s pretty scary. And why does a woman saying she does not want to be just a sex object, that she is not there for a men to come along and consume, that she wants to be treated differently, generate such hatred?

Many times the people creating and passing along these images and messages will not be caught. They know how to hide themselves. But other times, the *little boys* are so proud of that penis they’ve just drawn and so mindless about the person they are hurting by this image that they can’t help passing it around.

These *little boys* have sisters, parents, friends, and others that I’m assuming see what they’re posting. Do the others who see this also think it’s right? Do they also feel women deserve this for expressing such opinions? If so, I guess they have no hope, either. But I’m hoping that more often than not, the other people see things, quickly delete them and don’t take the issue any further.

If any of my brothers, in-laws, nephews, guys friends, etc. ever posted something along these lines I would lambaste them until they took it down. I feel pretty safe in saying that my friends are not like this. Then again, there are a lot of angry people in the world, lashing out against their own feelings of hopelessness, their loneliness, and their feelings of powerlessness and frustration. Just because a guy is a white male doesn’t mean he’s got power (on the other hand, if he feels he should have or somehow deserves power over others, he’s wrong).

I see it on FetLife, more often than I’d care to: Horrible words used to describe vaginas … and the person attached. Vitriol at women who dare say that they don’t like being harassed on the street. Abuse for the woman who speaks up about something offensive … like that guy’s comment on her picture about how he’d like to anally rape her.

This is not about sex; this is not dominance …

My challenge is for us to not let this hateful speech stand. Speak up against it. Take a screen shot and save it. Report the person to whatever website you see it on. If you know him, challenge him about why he had to say this. If anyone of these guys (and I doubt anyone would come forward) has a rational explanation for this, I’d like to know.

You can be angry at a lot of things, and there are a lot of things in this world worth being angry about. That applies to both genders. But this is not acceptable.

*ANITA’S PROJECT: “For this project, my goal is to talk about sexism in video games in a way that looks at gaming as an institution and focuses on the recurring patterns that we see over and over again in women’s representations. My goal is to illustrate that this is actually a deeply systemic problem … I love playing video games but I’m regularly disappointed in the limited and limiting ways women are represented. … The series will highlight the larger recurring patterns and conventions used within the gaming industry rather than just focusing on the worst offenders, ” Anita wrote. Her project is called “Trope vs. Women in Video Games,” you can find her blog about it here.

Some of the tropes commonly found in video games:
Five typical types represented:
–The Damsel in Distress
–The Fighting Fucktoy
–The Sexy Sidekick
–The Sexy Villainess
and what she says is the most common trope,
–Woman as Background Decoration.

Proud AND discreet

Saturday, July 21st, 2012

I feel so bad for the Iron Bell Academy having to pack up and move, due to pressure from local parents whose children were taking dance classes in the same building. This is unfortunate. It appears that no laws were broken and that the Iron Bell did everything it could to keep things discrete. It was a beautiful play space with fantastic cages and hand-crafted equipment. The owners kept the parties small and there were always real players there, very hot scenes. So, I’m hoping they find a new location soon. God know how hard it is to find places to play in NYC.

My question is, for those of us who can’t play in our own homes (raising hand), who like to go out and play in public (again raising hand) or just like to go places to see other people and other hot scenes — are we as party-goers doing enough to keep a venue discrete?

I have seen on various occasions where those running a party have asked attendees to wear vanilla clothes to and from the party and to change once they get inside.

Yet I’ve seen countless times where over-the-top fetish wear is worn. It might be “legal,” but it’s unusual for a particular neighborhood and it draws attention. If you saw a woman wearing a corset that shoved her breasts up and exposed massive amounts of cleavage; if you saw a guy wearing a kilt, kick-ass boots and a steam-punk top hat; if you saw a burly guy dolled up in a short, plaid skirt, ankle socks, Mary Janes and a blonde wig… wouldn’t you feel funny if they were in the same building as your kids? Wouldn’t you want to find out what was going on?

My open-mindedness does not extend to exposing innocents to culture and activities they don’t need to know about. Yes, kids may easily find out about kink elsewhere, there’s no doubt. But as responsible members of the BDSM community maybe we need to try harder for it not to be us who exposes it to them, and for us to continue to not push our kink on non-kinky people (keep it consensual).

Maybe we think it’s no big deal because we’re “not doing anything illegal,” and we’re not actually “showing” anyone what we do behind closed doors–but it may very well matter to the host of the facility, who risks losing “our” place to play.

People in the general public are very close-minded and probably scared of things they haven’t been exposed to, as evidenced by this clueless TV reporter reporting on Iron Bell. As I wrote in the FetLife Brimstone group, where I first heard of Iron Bell’s troubles, “The first sign of idiocy from the news media (I’m quoting the reporter in the link above) was this: ‘I didn’t actually read that book, but I did do some “research” by talking to some ladies in the newsroom who had read “50 Shades of Gray” ‘ … ‘an (OMG!) S&M dungeon with leather and whips.’” I really loved his “objective” and self-congratulatory “happy ending” to the story–thanks to the news media, all those evil people will go away now.

You see, the media often reflects what it believes the public wants to hear, and a lot of the public follows along and “the truth” becomes what they think they want to hear–reading a fantasy romance with a little kink is fine! Going out and actually doing those things is not! “Normal” people don’t do that!

We are nowhere near to being accepted by the general public, and I don’t want to be nor have to be. Yes, if I get fired from a job because of my kink I will not just roll over and accept it; I will fight it and that will mean I’ll have to expose myself and my kink.

But in the meantime, I just want to keep on doing what I’m doing, going out and having fun as discretely as possible. If I walk from my car to my neighbor’s house wearing leather, I may have just outted her and there may not be another party there.

I go to spanking parties a lot, and I’ll be at Chicago Crimson Moon from next Wednesday through the following Monday. At nearly every spanking party, we hear of some idiot spanking someone in a hallway, bandying toys about, throwing a girl over a shoulder, etc. … or worse, actually soliciting some cute waitress or bartender to come join the party (this has happened in Vegas a few times, at Shadow Lane parties).

When a party organizer says “no fetish wear in certain locations,” that includes a school girl outfit on a mature woman. Use your head. People will know something is going on when they see that. If anyone want to join us, if they are “one of us,” we are not hard to find. We don’t need to solicit!

Maybe the Iron Bell didn’t have those sorts of rules or warnings, so this may be a moot point as far as that venue is concerned. But, I have a pretty strong feeling that someone in the neighborhood saw something or it would have been business as usual there.

Yes, it’s wrong and a shame that the Iron Bell was forced to abandon the building so suddenly. People “should” leave us alone to do our own thing. But, they probably won’t. So we need to be aware of this and of our surroundings, and sensitive to our hosts who risks exposure so we can have a place to play.

Sticking things into people

Tuesday, July 17th, 2012

I’m having such a hard time writing about the LIFE in Nassau meeting last Friday, where the topic was “urethral sounding.” (If you don’t know what urethral sounding is, you can go to this Wikipedia article or to this bmezine.com article. )

It’s a difficult topic to write about, and hard not to feel weird about it, even when you’ve learned that the person about to have this done to him really enjoys it–and that was the case with my play partner, Johnny, who acted as demo bottom to the presenter, LISorceress.

But certain topics or types of play will always be uncomfortable for some.

Needle play was one topic of discussion at the munch before the Long Island Leather N Roses meeting last week, mainly because Mistress Trish is going to be demonstrating it at the next LILNR meeting on July 24.

Like sounding, needle play is edge play. I’ve never had it done to me; I haven’t met a needle play expert who appealed to me enough to convince me to try it. I look at needle play with curiosity, and that’s pretty much it. It’s one of those things that I’ve wondered about but didn’t feel any “calling” to try.

A while back I knew a woman who, like me, enjoyed impact play. But then she did a needle play scene at one party and was hooked on it. She told me that processing this pain felt much more internal and personal than it would for a spanking or a whipping. I didn’t understand, because I felt that processing any type of pain is “internal,” but yet I saw that it had affected her in some deeper way. So I always wondered what she meant. I knew, however, that each person processes pain differently. It might be entirely different for me that it was for her.

Prior to that conversation, I could not watch people getting stuck with needles. I accepted that a top could form pretty patterns and do creative things with needles, but witnessing the process was too much for me. On Tuesday, several people at the LILNR munch expressed similar feelings. Seeing needle play makes them feel uncomfortable, maybe a little squeamish, and a lot of people simply have a fear of needles; I think that’s fairly common.

It was my friend telling me how much she loved it that convinced me to watch. I move slowly as far as accepting or watching certain new types of play–play that in my head, you have to be either crazy or some serious masochist to try. I was at Paddles one night–probably more than five years ago–when a domme was doing a demo on “sounds” with a sub guy I knew as her demo bottom.

I stayed in the back with Michael, the owner of Paddles, far away from the action up on the stage. Both of us were bothered by the demo and couldn’t watch, and I remember us joking about it a bit. It seemed so over-the-top and painful for the poor sub. I figured he was “just a pain slut,” although, the type of pain he was receiving seemed foreign to me.

Fast forward to Friday at the LIFE in Nassau presentation on sounding (I’ve just learned that it’s also called “cock stuffing”).  I was not keen on the idea of going to this demo, except that Johnny had asked me to come watch. After some slight hesitation, I agreed. He’d told me that it was a type of play he enjoyed; that he loved the sensation. So I told him I didn’t know if I could ever perform this type of play on him, but I’d watch and see what I thought.

I was interested in the technique, and I learned a lot about that, but I was more interested in watching Johnny’s face. I wanted to see if what he’d told me was true, that he didn’t feel pain but just enjoyed the sensation. A couple of guys in the audience, who knew LISorceress and Johnny, proceeded to make a lot of off-color remarks … some of which were funny, but I felt bad for Johnny and I’m sure it must have affected his concentration. I moved closer to the front, got a side view. I could see what LISorceress was doing to him along with his reactions. He seemed fairly relaxed, although he did seem to have to focus more as the size of the rods progressed. LISorceress used four different sizes on him, starting small and moving up.

So, I didn’t get freaked out. It didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would, and I could see that Johhny did not seem to be in pain. I can’t say I’m chomping at the bit to start using sounds on someone, but it’s an exciting, different type of play, and I can put it on the back burner and see how I feel down the road.

 

Peanut gallery*

Friday, June 15th, 2012

When I am topping someone, I have a responsibility for my bottom. I should be focusing on him or her, not an audience, not how I (or we) look to onlookers, nor anything else outside of our sphere. At a club or party, I know there will be noise, people talking nearby, sometimes quite loudly, and people occasionally talking about the scene in which we’re engaged. There’s nothing I can do about that; I have to accept it. Accept it — but not engage in it.

Please don’t be insulted if I don’t acknowledge you if you try to get my attention during a scene. It does not mean I don’t like you and that I don’t want to talk to you later. This did happen on Saturday night, when someone wanted to say goodbye to me while I was playing. We’ve already talked about it, he apologized, and I’m cool.

But I still wanted to mention it here, in case others might need to know about this piece of etiquette. To me, it shows a lack of respect for the person I’m playing with to begin to talk to someone during our scene.

I know how annoying and insulting that can be when I’m bottoming. As a sub I am often “treated” to helpful suggestions from onlookers, comments from “Spank her harder!” to the audacity of “Here, try THIS on her!” Sometimes I try to imagine what implement is being offered to my top — who usually has plenty of his own toys (and doesn’t need another top implying he isn’t doing a good job).

I know people are just trying to have fun, and I usually don’t get upset, but I will often pop my head up at times like these to exclaim, “Okay, that’s enough from the Peanut Gallery!” I’m joking about it to be “nice,” but I really mean it … that’s enough! There ARE some light-hearted scenes where interjections from the crowd would not be a big deal. But, if I didn’t know whether or not a scene was “fun” or “serious,” I’d err on the side of caution.

I had one top who, in the middle of spanking me, engaged in a conversation with someone else who’d wandered over. I tried my usual tactic: “Hello? Peanut Gallery?” and was ignored. They continued to talk. Gee, I wonder whatever happened to that top? It’s been a LONG time since I’ve wanted to play with him…

As a top I bear this in mind. We are all fragile to some degree, but especially those who are making themselves vulnerable, physically and emotionally, to another.

 

*This post originally appeared in my older blog, “The Corporal Consultant,” on April 9, 2009.

Image by M/Y/D/S Clipart graphics

“Cocknozzle” and other random epithets

Wednesday, June 13th, 2012

This has been around for a few months, but I just found it today:

This was created by FetLife member Aporetic and posted in the FetLife Group Return to Sender (a great group where people can post obnoxious, random emails and messages from strangers).

So what does the generator comes up with the next time I hit refresh? “Buttpuppet.” OK, not bad… I kind of like that!


Canadian Online Casino Review of Swiss Casino. Online Slots $250 welcome bonus.
the royal flush in megajacks video poker. online slots canada At online poker machines our site we would like you to try out our free pokies, check out our download. Online Casino Canada gambling news, views and online casino ratings.
The recent increase in the number of online casinos available has led to the online canadian casinos Sky Vegas brings you all the very best online casino games from Play pokies, poker and slots at our online casino and earn huge jackpots and Online Casinos Play Online Slots at 32Red Casino and claim a £32 bonus for every £10 Play Craps at our Online Casino! Casino.com Australia is the world's top spot for Casino Online Enjoy Free Casino Game Downloads at Red Flush Casino Australia with over