May 23rd, 2011 Posted in asides, spanking, Submission, Would love to hear your comments and feedback | one comment »
I’m of a certain age … I’ve been of a certain age for quite a while now … where strangers, cashiers, etc. call me “Ma’am.” A lot of women don’t like this because they feel old when they hear that. I hated it, too, for the longest time. When I first heard it I wasn’t anywhere near “old.” Now I’m (cough cough cough) m*ddl*-ag*d, and it no longer bothers me.
In play, “Ma’am” is the way I prefer to be addressed. I can accept “Mistress,” I don’t mind it, but I don’t feel “Mistress” is really who I am. As a person who frequently role plays a teacher, a mom, a librarian, the sexy next-door neighbor, etc., “Ma’am” works much better. You can also call me “Ms. (or Miss) Cassandra,” but considering that’s more of a mouthful, Ma’am is the easiest.
I frequently get emails of FL messages without a proper greeting: “Dear Ms. Cassandra.” I will answer you if you don’t start off your note that way, but it leaves a bad impression in my mind, especially if you are writing to me for the first time. “Hey” is rude, and no greeting at all is rude. An email that has no greeting and is full of typos should not be sent. “Should not” is wishful thinking, of course. It will happen. Some people are not native English speakers and need help with spelling. I understand. (It still bugs me, though!). If you’ve written me a bunch of times before, it’s not as important and we can
Speaking of improper behavior and rudeness, to me there is a huge difference between bratting and being disrespectful. I like a bit of bratting (usually just the verbal kind), because it makes for a fun scene – the brats are often the ones who crave a good, hard spanking or paddling, and I’m happy to oblige. But being disrespectful won’t get you anywhere near me.
Apr 2nd, 2011 Posted in Creativity, Submission, Would love to hear your comments and feedback | no comment »
Being a switch really does have its benefits when I top. It makes it a hell of a lot easier to get into a sub’s head, to figure out what to do with him or her. “What would I like done to me?” is a good question. “What do I love?” Good answers: the cane, the strap, watching someone taking off his belt and then using it.
Maybe better questions are, “What do I hate?” or “What do I love to hate?” or “What do I fear?” These aren’t easy to answer, and of course everyone is different. It’s my job to listen to a sub, to find out as best I can what they’ve done before, what they crave and what they are curious about. A person’s FetLife fetish list is a very good tool.
I generally try to work within these boundaries — but not always. There are things that I could do, that I know will only hurt momentarily, that are not on a particular sub’s menu. Pinching, for instance. A lot of people hate this, but will accept it because they want to accept the pain and they want to be obedient. That’s one primary turn-on for bottoms or subs — not telling the other person what to do, but to be told what to do.
Yes, we’ll talk, we’ll negotiate some basic parameters. A sub may put a hard limit on electricity or cutting, for example. As a top, I negotiate my limits as well. Mostly they fall into the sexual area — boundaries my husband and I have established and personal boundaries. There are things that just turn me off. Once those parameters are set, however, there should still be plenty of things I can do to someone.
Mar 21st, 2011 Posted in Socializing, spanking, Submission | no comment »
I played with a friend last night, someone I usually just spank. As we started our scene, he began to unbutton his shirt and then asked if he should take it off. “What do you want to do?” I asked. I thought we were negotiating. But he commented about how he hated when a Domme asked him what he wanted, instead of telling him.
I gave him a look, taking this as a challenge. Calmly I said, “All right, then. Strip.” He moved somewhat slowly, and when he got to his pants he seemed to hesitate. Was he testing me? I moved in, quickly undoing his belt, unbuttoning his pants and yanking them down. “I won’t be able to get them over my shoes,” he pointed out.
He wasn’t exactly being a wise-ass, but I felt he was pushing me to see how I’d react. “Take the shoes off, the pants off, and the shorts off. Let’s go.” I had a feeling from his demeanor that I was heading in the right direction. I didn’t exactly know what I wanted to do with him, so when he was completely naked I made him kneel down and kiss my shoes. As he moved from my right to my left shoe, I took my right foot and pressed down on his neck. From below me I heard a soft moan. I relished giving him the release he was probably craving. “Get up,” I finally said. He had a bit of a glazed look already. He stood up and I turned him around to face the wall. “Put your hands on the wall and stick your ass out,” I said. I spanked him, delivering them slowly but sharply. After a short period I wanted to do something else so I took his arm, turned him around and shoved him up against the side wall.
“I’m going to do whatever I want with you,” I coldly told him, looking him in the eye. He suddenly seemed nervous. I put my right hand on his neck and squeezed a little, forcing his head back into the wall. I’m not sure if he said anything at this point. I let his neck go and with both hands pinched and twisted his nipples. He gasped and I twisted a tiny bit harder until he yelped. Then I reached up, held his face with my left hand, and slapped him with my right. Not too hard. But then I slapped harder with my left. His eyes seemed to be watering a little.
“I’m going to spank you now,” I said.
I pulled him over to a straight-back chair that was nearby. He was hard as a rock. I knew that he knew, without me telling him, that he had better control himself. I pulled him over my knee and spanked him some more.
This was taking place at Paddles NYC. We were in one of the side rooms, where you can put a chain across the entrance so that no one can get too close. But outside the chain several people had gathered to watch. I slapped his naked bottom as hard as I could, at first slowly, letting each one sink in, but soon briskly. I knew he could take it — but it was about to get worse. Soon I grabbed a small wooden paddle and paddled him. He cried out and wriggled, but I held him firmly and continued. “You’ve earned this,” I said. He didn’t have to do anything bad to earn it; it was what he needed. Or at least what I had decided he needed.
I wasn’t going to have him over my knee all night, though. I had other plans. “Get into the corner,” I said. As he moved, I decided I wanted to torture him some more. “Stand facing out,” I said. His cock was still just as hard as before and I slapped it lightly, testing his tolerance. He groaned but seemed able to take more, so I slapped a little harder. Moving back up to his poor nipples, I pinched them again, harder than before. He didn’t know what was coming next.
“Get down on your knees,” I said. He knelt. “Hands and knees.” I straddled his back, and continued his spanking, slapping his butt as hard as I could, periodically giving a smack to his cock and balls. He yelped and moaned beneath me. I turned around so I could reach down and pinch his nipples again, then I pinched other areas of his body — waist, legs, inner thighs. I loved his cries of pain. I loved sitting on him.
I told him at last to stand and we went back to the chair. This time I was going to give him a real, fast, hard hand spanking. It was mostly on his bare bottom, but at points I spanked his thighs, including his inner thighs. He cried out but he continued to take his discipline well. I spanked him over and over. I was feeling a real power rush, and his reactions were turning me on.
I finally felt satisfied that I’d spanked him enough. I ordered him off my lap. “On your knees,” I said. I told him to kneel up. I let him put his head in my lap and stroked his hair until his breathing calmed down. Later I let him sit on my lap and I held him until it was time for him to get dressed.
I have played with this friend many times and have never done something like this to him before. For some reason last night, I wanted to go further. I was simply doing what I wanted and seeing how much he would take. Even though it got somewhat sexual, I didn’t cross any of my own sexual boundaries and I’m assuming I didn’t cross any of his. He said afterward that he really loved playing like that. I know it gave me a real rush.
