In addition, I’ve also updated my t-shirt page. Click here for details.

(To purchase, click on link at right under “Latest News.” All of the authors receive half of the purchase price — but only for only a limited time, so if you like the idea of the book, buy it now! )

The complete guide to giving and getting a well deserved punishment!

The Spanking Hand Book brings together the world’s most respected authors to share their tips, tricks and experiences in the pleasure and the pain of adult discipline!

Over 40 colour pages of tips and tricks, short stories and erotic spanking illustrations.

The book is everything you want to know about erotic spanking –

• The art of dishing out a sound punishment
• New and classic spanking positions
• Spanking tools from around the home, custom or DIY
• How to take a punishment
• The history of erotic adult discipline
• Women dominating men
• What NOT to say to your spanker / spankee

It also includes:

• Erotic short stories
• Spanking trivia and facts
• Beautifully illustrated spanking images
• Spanking cartoons and humour

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The eBook is in a PDF format which means it can be read on your computer,  iPad, iPhone, Kindle or you can print out a colour or black and white.

The authors:
The Spanking Hand Book is written by the world’s best spanking bloggers, film stars, models and authors.  Read their exclusive insider tips on giving and getting a sound spanking.

How to buy: Click on link at right under “Latest News”

I’m a person who was, to put it mildly, not popular growing up. In fact I was either ignored or verbally bullied on a regular basis in school. So I’m sensitive to “trying to be nice” to everyone. At the same time I realize that it is impossible to be nice to everyone. The “nice” way of turning down a potential partner by saying “maybe later” quickly comes back to haunt you.

The standard advice is to tell players, “If you mean no, say no.” I wrote on the board that that’s all well and good, but I resented having to be the person turning someone down when I gave no indication to this person at all that I was interested in the first place. I wrote, “How about those doing the asking do a little honest assessment about the situation? Was the person making eye contact with you or smiling before you approached? While you are standing there, has she turned away from you, not really looked at you, perhaps backed up a few inches?…”

Another spanko, a female bottom, responded to me: “The problem I see with this is — it’s akin to saying, ‘well, if he doesn’t do it, then I am not gonna do it!’ One of my favorite quotes is, ‘Unable to govern events, I govern myself.’ I can’t control whether or not someone else is able or willing to do an honest assessment about a situation, but I can control whether I am clear about my answer or response to them.”

Good advice! For me, when I ask, I actually prefer a euphemism like “maybe later” if a guy is turning me down. I don’t want to hear “no”! But I do admit that honesty makes it clear to all involved.

And the message is sent out to potential spankos (usually men) that they have to develop thicker skins about rejection.

But perhaps I have to have a thicker skin as well. When someone asks ME to play and I don’t want to, I tend to feel down about myself when I say no. I hate saying no; I hate seeing someone’s sad eyes across the room after I’ve said, “No, thank you,” especially if it’s someone I’ve played with before. That’s never a good feeling for the person doing the asking, to think about the wonderful time you had with someone the last time–to assume he/she also had a wonderful time–and now he/she doesn’t want to play again.

I was just thinking about the fact that I could spend several hundred dollars flying somewhere, paying for a party and a room, and there may be three or four people I want to play with who make the expense worthwhile. The rest are usually fun as well, and I get to see girlfriends I haven’t seen all year, too, but those three or four really “make” your party. They “get” you, they know what kind of play you need, they get you going.

If a friend approaches me for play and he’s not in that category, I may or may not have the energy; I may be reserving my skin for a harder scene; there may be other reasons. And I have many friends that I really love playing with, but I still might say no at a particular time. And that’s hard, because they are friends.

There are then … and I hate to say this … “third and fourth tier” levels of spanko acquaintances. You might like the person fine, but he’s really an “ass man” — he spends a lot of time stroking you, which isn’t really your thing. Or he’s not hard enough. Or maybe he’s too hard, and you don’t share the kind of connection that you need for that kind of play.

Then there are other players that you know; you’ve seen them at many parties before, and they’re fine, but … you’re just not attracted in the way you need to be attracted. Or they may fawn over you when you really want them to take charge. They say they are dominant but they don’t act that way.

As a switch, there’s the other problem of too many male bottoms, too few female tops. I choose to make myself available when possible, and in most cases (not all) I’m usually a service top. This requires a different kind of energy, and, again, because of this I have to pick and choose my partners. I want to give something back to the community and that’s a fine motivation. But at the same time, I need to enjoy myself and play with people I enjoy. If I’m faking my enjoyment, it’s not fun for the other person, is it?–I don’t think so.

I could state any number of reasons why someone “doesn’t make the cut.” And I’m not talking about the blatant, obvious ones like “b.o.,” or “inebriation,” or “rudeness.” He could just look depressed, which is a turn-off. Or he’s too heavy or too thin. I prefer heavier guys, but not extremely obese. (If I’m bottoming to you, it’s best if you have a lap… not a deal breaker; I’m just saying…)

Maybe all of us need to work harder at friendship at these parties. By that I mean, not looking at everyone of the opposite sex as a potential partner,  but seeing them as a person. Even if you don’t want to play, even if that person doesn’t want to play with you, maybe there can be a good friendship based on other qualities.

Food for thought, as we begin “the spanking season.” Boardwalk Badness is approaching…

Excerpt from Ms. Cassandra’s article, “Giving it to Him”: “I was sitting in a straight-backed chair that I’d moved into the middle of the room. “You’re getting a bare-bottom spanking,” I told him, looking right at him. He couldn’t meet my gaze. “Put your hands on your head.” Pulling him closer to me, I unbuckled his belt and drew it completely out of its loops. “You’re going to feel this belt in a few minutes, too, young man.” 
I undid his pants, lowered them, and then yanked his shorts down. He was getting no warm-up today. He was exposed and vulnerable. It was about to happen.  “Get over my lap, right now!” I ordered him. “You’re getting punished …”

The next Spanking SIG meeting will be Wednesday, March 28, with the theme “Why Spanking?” This is going to be a panel of people who have spanking as their primary kink. They’ll be talking about what they like about spanking, how they developed their kink, some sublime moments, and perhaps some things they don’t like. There are still a couple of slots open and if you feel you would like to be part of this, drop me an email at mscassandrapark@gmail.com.

The next meeting after that won’t be until May 2. I’m hoping to make that one more of a demo, not just a talk. I have some ideas floating around in my little head (as always) but I’m open to all suggestions. Again, respond to me on my blog, on FetLife or via email.